The Ivy by Lauren Kunze

Author:Lauren Kunze
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: HarperCollins

Chapter Ten

Strange interlude

Harvard Dating 101: What Every Novice Needs to Know

top ten faux pas committed by college freshmen

1. When someone asks you if you have “plans for the evening,” never just say no: it doesn’t make you sound “straightforward,” it makes you sound like a loser. Instead, try something along the lines of: “That depends . . . what did you have in mind?”

2. One drink before a date to calm the nerves and loosen the tongue is acceptable; three is sloppy and five means the only date you should be scheduling is one with your sponsor at Alcoholics Anonymous.

3. When embarking on a first date, always make good use of signals and the buddy system: arrange for a friend to call you midmeal and inform you of a potentially dire “family emergency” in the event that the cute guy from your chemistry class doesn’t look quite so cute without his lab goggles on or that pretty girl you met in Lamont turns out to be a man-hating Women, Gender & Sexuality major. . . .

4. Never assume that the other person is going to pay. Hello, ladies, this is the twenty-first century here! While personally I’m a bit old-fashioned and allow a man to treat, it is my firm belief that women should always offer—and be prepared—to at least split the bill. If anything, cash and credit cards are always handy in case you need to cab it home once you hear about that pressing “family emergency.”

5. Ladies (and Metro-men): Always allocate your wardrobe with care: wearing the same outfit twice in a row was a lot easier back in the day before Facebook became everybody’s personal paparazzi.

6. Learn to gauge the intensity of your crushes’ feelings based on the type of date he/she has proposed:

a. Study date: probably wants to be “just friends” or they need help with their homework and only asked because you look like a huge nerd

b. Coffee date: testing the waters; alternatively, this person has commitment issues and can’t stand to spare more than 15 minutes of their time

c. Lunch date: obviously you’re not quite good enough for dinner

d. Dinner date: gettin’ pretty serious . . .

e. Dinner and a movie: clichéd but classic—but be cautious that the “movie” doesn’t turn into “Hey, why not just watch that movie at my place” because

f. “Wanna come over and watch a movie?”=BOOTY CALL, no exceptions

7. In an era of text messaging, Twitter, GChat, MySpace, and Facebook, the wait-three-days-to-call rule is so twentieth century; finding someone you really like at Harvard is rare and calls for immediate action.

8. Never accept a date from a boy/girl that a friend of yours has a serious crush on. Do your best to remember that it’s bros before hos and chicks before dicks.

9. It’s important to at least give dating at Harvard a try (*ahem* attn: boys who spend most of their nights at BU or BC). There is nothing sweeter in this life than being able to give your children the gift of “double legacy.

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